Why is this so difficult?

I am the mother of an 18 year old daughter and a twenty year old son in a world that is much more complicated than when I was growing up and that has changed radically in the 20 years that I have been raising them. I raised my children in a world that sang "I love you, you love me... we're a happy family" to them... (can you say Barney). I wanted them to have every advantage that we could provide that I didn't have, and the bottom line is that I ended up creating an entitlement mentality in my children. I cared too much and now I am dealing with the consequences. Sometimes I feel that this is a personal failure given my background, upbringing, personal problems... my excuse here. At other times I think that it is the perfect storm of helicopter Moms who were told by the "experts" at the time to tell their children they were wonderful no matter what they did or didn't do. So, here we are, and now what? The cause is not the solution... so we move on.

My hope is to talk to other Moms who are in the same place and who are dealing with similar issues... what do I do with the brilliant son who has just derailed himself at his college? What do I do with the daughter who has not applied herself as much as she could have in High School yet thinks that all will be well and that she "deserves" to get into the college of her dreams? What about computer/technology addictions in our children? What about Facebook and a young adult life lived texting and on-line? How can we equip ourselves as parents so that we don't create the technology addicted, entitled young person? And what do we do when its too late and we already have?