... a small victory, maybe.

Conversation with son: Me: "I would like you to fill up the yard debris bin with leaves today. Son: "Maybe." Me: "That is not going to work for me." Son: "OK." Me: "OK, what?" Son: "OK, I'll do it Mom. It's not like you need a confirmation from me because you are going to make me do it anyway." Me: "Good point." Yaaaaay! At least I didn't have to snag his I Phone and start walking away to get his attention... like I had to do yesterday. I fantasize about the day that one of them will come to me and say. "What needs doing, Mom, I'd like to give you a hand?" Dream on.

I had a brief family meeting and nobody is really happy, but I did get some buy-in to cooking meals... my son made tacos tonight. My heart is aching for my son, who should be going back to his University tonight, but isn't because he messed up. Tomorrow is the start of his new life and I pray that he is successful. He has lost a lot and needs to make a lot of changes and I'm going to struggle daily with allowing him to feel the consequences of his actions, because he is still my boy and I want to protect him from pain... which also means preventing him from really growing up. This really is hard.

Another day...another plan.

This has been a tough Christmas and I'm glad it is over. According to my wise Grandmother (who is now 102 and who told me at a very young age that I "wore my heart on my sleeve" and that it would never do), in the face of the difficulties of my children I now need only hold my head up high and just get on with it... she spoke in idioms and sayings. She would not approve of the way of the world as we now know it... which is tell it all to everyone at any time...preferably electronically and to the widest possible audience. Sorry Grandma. I love you and you gave great advice, but sadly things have changed so much that some of the old rules don't apply... if they did I probably wouldn't be in this mess. All that said, there is still that part of me that wants to basically lie and say, "Oh, everything is just fine... no problems at all... we're all doing so well." If that is what you want to hear, I will be disappointing you, because even if I wish it to be true... it isn't.

Monday is the start of the new regime in my home. We'll see how it goes. Is it too late to effect some changes in attitudes and responsibilities? I will assume it isn't and move forward. My idea is to share some of the load. I work full time+ and have for the past six years. I was a stay at home Mom for the 12 years after my son was born which was a blessing... and a curse. I then worked part time for a few years, while getting a Masters degree, so that I could continue to be available... and enable. As a stay at home Mom I trained my kids to have me do everything. Good job, Katherine. Monday we start over... reset button, please. I will assign nights for the kids to plan and cook a meal. It is a small beginning.

Advice to mothers of children under 12: Do this now... make contracts with your kids and enforce them to the death (well almost death). If you are a single Mom, which I was for two loooooooong years, God Bless you, and make the choice to be strong, and maybe sometimes loathed. It will save you time and pain later. If you are in a blended family (which I am now)I can tell you that parenting may be even more difficult... get professional help when things aren't going well. You are not alone!

Why is this so difficult?

I am the mother of an 18 year old daughter and a twenty year old son in a world that is much more complicated than when I was growing up and that has changed radically in the 20 years that I have been raising them. I raised my children in a world that sang "I love you, you love me... we're a happy family" to them... (can you say Barney). I wanted them to have every advantage that we could provide that I didn't have, and the bottom line is that I ended up creating an entitlement mentality in my children. I cared too much and now I am dealing with the consequences. Sometimes I feel that this is a personal failure given my background, upbringing, personal problems... my excuse here. At other times I think that it is the perfect storm of helicopter Moms who were told by the "experts" at the time to tell their children they were wonderful no matter what they did or didn't do. So, here we are, and now what? The cause is not the solution... so we move on.

My hope is to talk to other Moms who are in the same place and who are dealing with similar issues... what do I do with the brilliant son who has just derailed himself at his college? What do I do with the daughter who has not applied herself as much as she could have in High School yet thinks that all will be well and that she "deserves" to get into the college of her dreams? What about computer/technology addictions in our children? What about Facebook and a young adult life lived texting and on-line? How can we equip ourselves as parents so that we don't create the technology addicted, entitled young person? And what do we do when its too late and we already have?